


Feels like Home

by GayCheerios



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, I could be projecting or I couldn't be who knows at this point, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Panic Attacks, The summary is a lot angstier than the story actually is, Trans Anakin Skywalker, Yes yall heard me it's trans Anakin time, unsafe binding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27525781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayCheerios/pseuds/GayCheerios
Summary: Anakin looked in the mirror and sobbed at himself, he didn’t want this to happen, he was scared. He couldn’t tell his Master, he was absolutely petrified of what Obi-Wan would think. So he cried alone, wrapping horrid bandages wound tight around his chest.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 12
Kudos: 139





	Feels like Home

**Author's Note:**

> A few things before we start  
> 1) I don't believe that Cannon Anakin is trans, BUT that doesn't mean I can't write it  
> 2) I am a trans person therefor I may or may not be projecting. you decide.  
> 3) I cried while writing this  
> 4) this is not well written. this is just me. doing an idea before jumping right back into obikin smut and multi-chapter shit. sometimes i have to be able to write what i want, and when i want ok????? writers are allowed to do that
> 
> ANYWAY.
> 
> I had this idea mere SECONDS before I fell asleep, and I wrote it down before I gave into sleep.
> 
> TRANS RIGHTS ASSHOLES.
> 
> Enjoy the shitshow sluts

From the day he was born, Anakin Skywalker was male. When he first learned the concept of being female, he despised it. His mother raised him as a boy, and it felt right. So when the Jedi showed up, he wasn’t ever mistaken for a female, Anakin was thrilled at the notion. For a little boy he was very sure of who he was. He never once doubted it for a second. Something whispered that this was right, as a child, he never knew what that reassuring whisper was, and why he felt so connected to it...

He was taken under Obi-Wan Kenobi’s care, which Anakin was thrilled about. He had already felt such a deep connection with the ginger, and now that he was officially placed under his care, Anakin thrived. Obi-Wan ensued a love for knowledge in the boy, and studious work habits. When Obi-Wan first taught him to read, Anakin couldn’t stop. There were still occasions where he would have Obi-Wan read more complicated books to him, he would lay his head on his Master’s lap, and listen to his sweet, and soothing voice. They had such beautiful memories together, and Anakin cherished every single one. The first few years of Anakin being a padawan was wonderful, he felt safe, happy, and secure. But it only lasted so long. 

Days went by, and things about him were changing for the worst. His voice was much higher than he wanted to ever be, he had constant mood swings, and what was worse, was his  _ chest. _ When it first started to fill out, Anakin wanted to throw up. It was horrible, it was...indescribable. Anakin looked in the mirror and sobbed at himself, he didn’t want this to happen, he was  _ scared. _ He couldn’t tell his Master, he was absolutely petrified of what Obi-Wan would think. So he cried alone, wrapping horrid bandages wound tight around his chest. He had hoped and prayed that Obi-Wan didn’t notice how out of breath he was, or how he ached a little more every day. Anakin thought that it couldn’t get any worse. 

Oh was he wrong. 

The bright and beautiful orange glow of the morning sunlight draped Anakin’s eyes. He blinked once, twice, and basked in the warmth of the sun. He went to move and felt something was immediately wrong. It felt like someone poured something sticky and disgusting between his legs, and  _ kriff  _ his stomach was aching. As panic seeped deep within his mind, he willed himself to lift the bedsheets. Anakin shrieked as he saw blood staining the pristine white sheets and covers.  _ Nononononono-this couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think it hurt everything hurt so much he couldn’t- _

Anakin felt arms wrap around him and he cried. “NO, let go of me! Let me go, let me go, let me  _ GO!”  _ He shouted, trying to break free of whoever was grasping him. He sobbed as he violently thrashed back and forth. He knew someone was talking but he couldn’t tell who it was, everything was too much. Anakin gasped as he felt a soothing presence wash over in his mind. As he continued to cry, he let Obi-Wan hold him and relaxed into his hold. He let Obi-Wan wordlessly coo at him, as his sobs died down.

As his sobs turned to sniffles, Anakin looked to Obi-Wan. His face was fixed in a gentle smile, though Anakin could feel his Master’s worry slowly making itself known. Anakin shifted a little more, and yelped in pain. He forgot to take his bandages off last night.  _ Kriff. _ He felt Obi-Wan’s eyes bore into him, and resisted the urge to cry once more.

“Anakin? Can I ask what’s the matter?” Obi-Wan questions quietly. 

Anakin took a deep breath, but couldn’t stop the next wave of fresh tears from rolling down his face. “I...I don’t know what’s the matter. I...I woke up and there was all this blood and-and my chest hurts so much and I’m so scared Obi-Wan, I’m so scared!” The boy sobbed, as his Master’s arms tightened around him.

“Shh, it’s ok now little one, it’s all ok.” The ginger soothed, rocking Anakin gently in his hold. “It’s all ok, I’m here. You don’t have to hide anything from me. I’ll always be here for you little one.” 

Anakin cries harder at those words. He never wants Obi-Wan to leave him. He’s terrified of it. “I’m scared to tell you Master. I’m scared you’ll hate me!” He cries, shaking in Obi-Wan’s hold.

“Oh no, no, no sweet one, I could never hate you. Anakin, you are so dear to me, there is nothing in this world you could do to make me hate you.” Obi-Wan smiles, pressing a gentle kiss to Anakin’s temple, 

Anakin tries to gather what he wants to say. He knows he’s a mess he knows how hard he is sobbing, but now that his Master has reassured him, he doesn’t care. He’s done being alone and holding it all in. “M...Master. I...I was born a girl. But I am  _ not  _ one, I am not a girl. I am a boy. I always will be. But my body will not obey my mind.” Everytime he tries to speak, more tears come, it’s a never-ending string of tears. “And strange things are happening to me, and I’m scared!” 

“Oh my darling little one.” Obi-Wan says quietly, stroking Anakin’s hair ever so gently. “I’m so sorry I didn’t know, I’m so sorry you’ve had to live in fear like this for so long.” As Anakin cries into his chest, Obi-Wan noses his forehead. “But you won’t have to go on like this for any longer. I promise I’ll do whatever I can to make it feel better. Thank you for being so brave and telling me. I’m so proud of you Anakin, you are absolutely amazing.” Anakin squeezes his arms around Obi-Wan even tighter, but not without another cry of pain. That won’t sit with Obi-Wan. “Anakin...are you using bandages perhaps?” 

Anakin winces and nods his head against Obi-Wan’s chest. “It was the only way to make it stop hurting when I looked at myself.” He mumbles leaning into Obi-Wan’s hand when he comes to wipe the tears off his face.

“Little one, as much as I know it hurts, you have to take them off. They can severely damage you and could break or fracture one of your ribs.” Obi-Wan explains calmly, now isn’t the time for a lecture. 

“Please don’t make me, I hate it so much. How all the robes are getting too tight, I hate it so much, I’d rather something be broken than have to deal with that.” Anakin says so quietly, with such a waiver in his voice that Obi-Wan can barely hear him. 

Obi-Wan is silent for a moment. Then takes a deep breath. “Would you like to borrow some casual clothing I have until I can get you better fitting robes for you? They’ll definitely be big on you, so you can’t see your figure as much. Would that help?” 

Anakin’s eyes light up, and he nods immediately, with a small, fragile smile. He begrudgingly lets go of his Master, to let him go to his room. The silence is unnerving, he was getting so used to his Master being here in his room with him after many long minutes together have passed. Luckily he isn’t gone for long and returns with clothing. 

“I might have to stop at the medbay to grab a few things for you. I doubt we have what you need here.” Obi-Wan remarks. “Here let’s wash the sheets, yes?” 

Anakin is very sure his face is just as red as the stain on the bed at this point. “It’s ok, I can do it.” He blurts out, his embarrassment seeping through their bond. 

Obi-Wan sighs. “Anakin, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about dear. These things happen, and you know I’ll never judge you for something that you just can’t control. But if you really wish to do it yourself my stubborn one, then I won’t stop you.” He chuckles, watching as Anakin lifts the sheets, and heads to the washer. 

When Anakin comes back, Obi-Wan is making the bed, with clean sheets and all. Anakin feels his face burn even hotter. 

Obi-Wan smiles as if he revels in Anakin’s shame. “I have an idea. Why don’t you go take a nice warm bath while I go to the medbay to grab a few things.” He suggests. 

Anakin would never turn down a bath, so he agrees. Before he can walk out of his room, he’s caught by Obi-Wan’s hands. He’s brought into a tight, protective hug that he never wants to leave. Obi-Wan sighs. “Anakin, you know that I love you right? More than anything. I will always be here for you, no matter what happens. I just….I just need you to know that.” 

At this moment, he feels how truly vulnerable his Master is at the moment. Before he has the chance to cry again at the words, Anakin speaks. “I know you do Obi-Wan, and I love you too.” No titles, no Master at this moment. He is speaking to all of Obi-Wan. He’s speaking to every part of Obi-Wan. “I know you will, after all, you saved me all those years ago. I will always be here for you as well. We’re a team, it won’t be just me relying on you. You can rely on me too. We aren’t Master and Padawan here. We can just be Obi-Wan and Anakin. That will always be enough for me.” 

He feels Obi-Wan hug him tighter, so he hugs back tenfold, and if he’s crying a little bit, that’s ok. Anakin is home in Obi-Wan’s embrace, and it always will feel like home to him.

**Author's Note:**

> i kinda hate this..? but it would be a waste not to post it i suppose. \
> 
> also for all my non cis friends, PLEASE do not use bandages to bind. it's literally so awful for you. i understand. i know how it seems like a good idea at the time but trust me it's not, it is so bad for you. stay safe friends <3


End file.
